The Whiney Wussbag's Guide to Time Travel:

Kyle Rittenhouse Hit With Another Lawsuit

I can’t.

I just can’t.

Every time I think I’m done looking at this fat tub of liposuction fat, there he is again. He’s herpes. Oh, he’ll go away. For a while…but he’ll be back.

So, Bunny Foo Foo is getting sued again. Remember about a year ago?

Kyle Rittenhouse is a dumb motherfucker. He is the new face of the stereotypical "Conservative American Underdog".

Give, Send, Go. I’d like to type out into text what I want to give him, where it would send him and how far in the air he would go…but I’m not some fucking foul-mouthed jerk. I’m a gentleman.

However, he looks like a monkey with cataracts thought he was taking a picture of another monkey's anus.

We'll work ourselves to death while this testicle wart and his wonky eye coast thanks to an army of leg-humping, bottom-feeding stillborns.

He’s already scamming and grifting off if this new lawsuit too, you know? With the other ticks and leeches he has pickle-tickle fights with. I mean, the audacity of this mouth-breathing doughnut Nazi to just jump his fat ass into people's bank accounts again with that fake fucking “Po ‘lil white boy” face he makes when he’s desperately trying to sell people his horse shit

I'm not a hateful person. I know! Looks can be deceiving! There's just something about this hairy-toothed tumor, from the way he walks, to the way he talks, to how he dangles his arms like a toddler to that face that would make Salvador Dalí walk straight out in front of a dump truck.

I work with people, every day, every waking hour, that need help, that want help, that are trying to get off of the ground, that desperately want to be healthy, be smarter, go to school, go to work, pay their bills, own a home, live the American Dream and instead of throwing their money at these people, they shower these useless, gutless, worthless subhumans making it the American Nightmare for the masses!

They push their lazy, decadent, hedonistic carcasses all the way to the top, not because they're patriots but because they're weak, utilitarian bitch cookies. Just wanting to be told what makes them feel safe because being frightened little door mice, living in a snow globe echo chamber of First World Problems and Affluenza is easier than touching pavement, casting aside your ill-conceived misjudgments and actually doing some heavy lifting…for the people that need it.

But not Kyle.

Kyle kicks his elephant feet up and sucks on a big fat dick…cigar, whatever. Because it’s okay to beg, it’s okay to steal, especially people’s lives and it’s absolutely fine to do jack fucking shit with the freedom your redneck, white trash fucking hicks and klan members bought for you!

Hi Ricky Schroder! You washed-up, wife-beating piece of dog shit! Hi!!

Kyle doesn’t live with remorse or regret! He doesn’t suffer nightmares, cold sweats and bouts of uncontrollable crying because, look, listen, if it was self-defense…you don’t do this:

I live with major depression, chronic pain, constant suicidal tendencies and I've survived being shot twice AND two stabbings and any time Nature has done me a solid and given me a second (or third…or fourth) chance, I’ve been humbled by that.

Not Kyle.

Kyle doesn’t know what it’s like to truly fight, to be ounces of blood from death, to be forced to fight, with every muscle in your body to survive! Kyle has never seen the world go bright white as he drags his mutilated body down a sidewalk! Kyle doesn’t know what luck feels like, the luck that a resident just happened to be smoking a cigarette on his steps and saw you black out from blood loss as he called 911.

I DO!

No, Kyle, sweet, precious baby Kyle immediately milked that gift and it was a gift, his acquittal, an expensive gift that Nature and Karma will very soon inform him that, in reality, was merely a loan and payday starts then and now.

Life. It's the only thing we know that is finite. It will end.

Don’t let it be at the hands of pigs…