Don't Threaten Me with a Good Time...
"All things were made through him, and without him was not any thing made that was made." - John 1:3
Basically, if I can recall my formative years of rebelling against all things religion, before ultimately getting banned from two churches, this is a passage that truly bothered me...and then, eventually, enraged me.
The first church that banned me was for legitimate reasons. I would barely make it through the most boring, mundane and skin-crawling sermon from some bowl-headed doofus pastor who sounded like Ben Stein. Then, when I was supposed to be in youth studies, I would sneak off and find a partitioned room somewhere in the lower level and I would listen to whatever heavy metal I had in my Walkman...shut up, yes I had a cassette player because I'm old.
Well, I already had been caught twice for this but no one ever bothered to tell my Mother or to even listen to what I was listening to. This old bitch did. This succubus yanked my arm so hard I thought she had dislocated my elbow but that's not what got me, just me, not my mother or my brother, banned from their little playhouse.
The pastor and the old bitch had to meet with my Mother and I. The pastor was fine, I had no problems with him and he even advocated to the church's admissions committee and now that I think about it, shouldn't a church welcome all people into their "place of worship", you know, like Jesus fucking said to do?
Not important, the old bitch interrupts the pastor and says "Your...child...has the devil in him!". I laughed! I thought that shit was funny, but, my Mother, because she's a pacifist, was busy apologizing. That's when old bitch says: "Maybe if he had a Father in his life, he'd--"
This is the moment when I had to politely, and gently, with four words…cut her off.
"You're a fucking cunt."
And, that’s when it dawned on me. Any church or place of worship that has a fucking admissions department, yeah, they’re already judging you before you set foot in the shithole and that aligns with their judgey, self-righteous crucifix boy, doesn’t it?
The second church was for outing a youth pastor who was fucking kids he was supposed to be teaching, who were underaged, including my best friend. I caught this asshole, confronted him and told him to resign, in front of that congregation. At the time, I wasn't popular with the Sheriff's Department there so, I figured this was better than being spat at by a fat man who looked like Willie Nelson and Santa Claus had a partial abortion and decided to keep it anyway.
I wasn’t popular anywhere in this small, hick-riddled skid mark of a town and I have no regrets about any of the bridges I set ablaze while laughing during my time there either.
Fuck ‘em.
He didn't stand up. He admitted nothing, so as everyone was filing out, I stood up and screamed at the top of my lungs that he was "fucking kids". Rather than have the police investigate this piece of shit, they all embraced him during his tough time and kicked my ass out.
Fuck ‘em.
These people are sick and twisted and spend 99% of their time begging and panhandling for money and shielding sex offenders from prosecution. The second church literally had ushers going around, aisle-to-aisle, shoving a collection plate in everyone's faces throughout the entire fucking service. Pathetic.
But, I'm off track again, that one bible verse made me question, for the first time, whether God was just a sadist or had to ride the short bus to school, and, apparently, it's both.
Don't expect me to listen one weekend to all of the beautiful things God did and created because he loves us and then the next say shit like this:
"See now that I, even I, am he; there is no god besides me. I kill, and I make alive; I wound, and I heal; and no one can deliver from my hand. For I lift up my hand to heaven and swear, As I live forever, when I whet my flashing sword and my hand takes hold on judgment, I will take vengeance on my adversaries and will repay those who hate me. I will make my arrows drunk with blood, and my sword shall devour flesh—with the blood of the slain and the captives, from the long-haired enemy." - Deuteronomy 32:39-42
Shit, even Jesus was spitting some violence in the New Testament too:
"Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to turn a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law..." - Matthew 10:34-35
And so on and so forth because Jesus had a lot of nothing to say and rarely shut the fuck up.
The verse from John though. He's saying God made everything, knows everything and is the ultimate ruler.
Okay.
Thanks God!
For all the cancer, AIDS, HIV, Ebola, war, Republicans and for giving us the ability to create weapons of mass murder, so zealots that follow YOU can blow the heads off of innocent children! And genocide too!
Most importantly God, thank you, so very much, for Joel Osteen's 17K sq ft mansion! Thank you for Kenneth Copeland's $760+M net worth, his private jet and his $7M mansion! And thank you God, for making politicians so gullible and greedy that they refuse to make either one of them pay any fucking taxes!!
But you want me believe that's all the devil's work, don't ya?
Okay.
Where's the proof? If the devil is as real as you and your hangers-on say he is, I'd like to see some irrefutable proof, evidence.
Maybe the devil didn't do it. Maybe he's being framed and if so, I think he deserves a chance to defend himself before anyone straps him to a gurney and gives him the needle!
Maybe, just maybe...the devil doesn't exist and this is God's fuck-up. God admitted that he created everything, and that would include the devil, right?
But, there is no evidence, no confession...except for God's.
No, this is all on God. The starvation, poverty, greed, corruption, every rape, every murder, ALL OF IT, carried out by his minions, rests in his lap, because he's a fucking idiot that loosed on the earth a species so easily corruptible, so decadent and so self-absorbed that they managed to drive to extinction over 90% of the flora and fauna that the dumb motherfucker created, and his handbook, all 9,341 versions of it are FULL of his confessions.
And GOD has the balls, the stones, the testicles to threaten me with damnation, eternal suffering and what reads like a bloody massacre of a magnitude never before experienced by humankind, a massacre that would make Genghis Khan and Atilla the Hun's assholes so tight they could shit diamonds??
Blow me.
Makes perfect sense though, God, and Christians, have been blaming his incompetence and low IQ decisions on the devil for eons, when they don't just blow it off altogether with "The lord works in mysterious ways!".
And it amazes me, astounds me, that so many millions of people have this imaginary bully, this invisible thug, coercing them, threatening them and very clearly stalking them...and they couldn't even make him semi-intelligent!
That's how you know humans made up God.
He's a fucking moron...
